How To Heal From A Toxic Relationship
What is a toxic relationship?
You know those relationships that are so toxic they make you cringe? Those where the other person constantly brings you down and makes you feel like a nervous wreck.
Those relationships where, on the rare occasion that you manage to forget about the inevitable stress and enjoy your time with them, you end up feeling guilty and worrying about what they must think of you.
Those relationships that make you second guess everything, worry constantly, cry frequently, and consider self-harm as an option.
One moment you contemplate a breakup, the next you are hopeful and yet the next you are full of fear and anger as you slide back into your negative comfort zone.
These relationships can be hard to identify because they don’t usually come with warning signs; it’s not like we have a ‘Toxic Quiz’ or anything! However, there are red flags to watch out for.
The more time you spend with someone, the more you’ll know about their behaviour. If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, you’ll have a better chance of identifying toxic behaviour.
It’s only when you’ve been in a new relationship for a little while that you won’t be as likely to see it. You may even be surprised at how often you overlook your partner’s red flags.
Most people tend to overlook red flags in their own relationships until trust has been broken beyond repair — which is why many people find it helpful to read about the signs of a toxic relationship before things get too serious.
Warning signs of a toxic relationship?
The following signs are what makes a relationship toxic.
It exist if you constantly question your self-worth
Self-doubt is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. If you constantly find yourself feeling bad about yourself, second guessing everything you do, and questioning your self-worth, you could be in a bad relationship.
Feeling unworthy of love
Feeling unworthy of love can happen in any relationship, but a poisonous relationship will do everything in its power to keep you feeling like that.
If you constantly apologize for everything and anything
If you’re apologising for everything and anything, that’s a sign of a toxic relationship.
People who have no respect will always make you feel like you need to apologise – and if you’re in a long-term relationship with them, you may not even know why you’re apologising!
They constantly point out all of your flaws and remind you of your shortcomings
Negative comments about your appearance and character are a sign of a negative relationship.
If your partner constantly reminds you of your flaws, or talks down to you, you could be in a harmful relationship.
They make you feel afraid to be yourself
Toxic people will do anything to keep you from being yourself. If your partner has a hard time accepting you and all things “you,” they might be toxic.
Feeling like you need to be someone you’re not will happen in many relationships, but a toxic connection will always make you feel afraid to be yourself.
They have no respect for your boundaries or wishes
If your partner has no respect for your boundaries or wishes, and disregards them at will, you could be in an unhealthy relationship.
People who have no respect for your boundaries will always push past them, even when you say no.
They expect constant contact and grow upset when you need space
Crazy amounts of contact, and constant texting every five seconds, are signs of a poisonous relationship.
People who have low respect for your boundaries will always want to be in constant contact, and may even get upset when you need space.
Toxic relationship signs examples and effects
When your partner does not own up their mistakes
As we learned from the video, people who are toxic hardly ever recognise their own toxicity. They don’t accept accountability, and they frequently shift the blame for their shortcomings to their partners.
A toxic person exhibits defensive behaviour when they brush off responsibility. They act victimised in their relationships because they do not want to admit they have faults.
They make it seem like their issues are coming from you. They do this so that they can then defend their own harmful behaviours.
If you allow a toxic individual to hold you responsible for their issues, their toxicity will undermine your sense of self.
When self-esteem is low, you will more likely exaggerate flaws, adding to the already toxic situation. You will experience rejection in your relationship as a result. This might make the relationship much worse.
Related Article ===> 10 signs of gaslighting you shouldn’t ignore
Unilateral compromises
When your partner is the one who always prevail in disputes, even though you may have more sensible reasoning than your other half.
You frequently give in so your partner can get what they want, perhaps you are saving yourself more grief (so you think at that moment in time)
This is a typical problem with introverted or submissive partners.
You hope when you start a relationship that your spouse will accept your limits, but they take advantage of your personality type to further their own objectives.
Talking from an introvert’s perspective, in most toxic encounters with my ex-partner, I kept things quiet to avoid conflict escalation but this proved to be a bad mistake, and unhealthy in the long run.
Warrior
You are the one putting yourself last all the time. You sacrifice your time, effort, and resources, yet they rarely return the favour.
When they do, your partner could behave as though you are a significant burden on their lives.
Even though you frequently do favours for your partner, you could feel bad asking them for favours. This guilty feeling can trigger fear of free expression often leading to issues of power balance in a relationship.
One-sided, unequal relationships can develop from this destructive pattern.
It’s possible that your partner thinks the relationship is all about them.
A healthy relationship doesn’t operate that way, though. Make concessions with your partner as well. Each person should be prepared to give up something, for the benefit of the other.
Giving your partner a favour is neither a bother nor an inconvenience when you are in a loving relationship. Rather It’s an opportunity to express your appreciation for that person’s needs and wants.
Can you fix a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship can only be fixed if and when both partners are equally committed to doing so through regular open communication, honesty, introspection, and perhaps even professional support, both individually (individual counselling) and jointly (couple counselling).
You will all need to examine and improve your own inner selves.
You can fix it through regular open communication
When the relationship has gone toxic, we might not know how to express our opinions or demands without triggering conflict in a relationship.
Perhaps we feel uncomfortable of being judged.
Open communication involves interacting clearly and openly without worrying about being judged or the conversation becoming sour.
It is critical that partners are equally committed to fixing their relationship for them to create a safe space to articulate their concerns and emotions with ease.
This calls for respect and empathy between partners, otherwise the relationship can’t be fixed.
You can fix it through honesty
Being honest in a relationship is being upfront and expressing your true feelings. It implies that you don’t purposefully exclude or misdirect others.
With genuine honesty, there is no room for manipulation.
We know that manipulation is rife in unhealthy relationships. However, genuine transparency always stems from a place of affection and a readiness to be open and vulnerable.
The saying that truth hurts is a reality, therefore if both partners are not equally committed to fixing their relationship, chances are the one who is upfront will be vulnerable.
If there is no honesty there will be manipulation and mistrust. In the end a relationship can’t be fixed.
You can fix it through introspection
Better relationships, clearer communication, and more informed decisions are all characteristics of improved behaviour. We have to look into our inner beings to be able to improve ourselves.
Introspection as a tool for reflection is an essential component of self-awareness; in fact, it is frequently used in psychotherapy to provide patients with a better understanding of their own thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Both partners must commit to reflecting on their own emotional feelings and emotional responses to determine how their behaviour contributes to the toxicity of their relationship.
Lack of equal commitment would mean the relationship can’t be fixed easily, or at all.
You can fix it through professional support
Counselling and psychotherapy are two of the best talk therapies for people who want to resolve internal conflicts and live happier, healthier lives.
Partners should commit to individual and couple counselling, as well as mediation services. These professionals can assist you as you work through your difficulties.
Relationship counselling will not help you fix your relationship if you are unwilling to make significant, long-term changes in your life.
Ending toxic relationships
Do you put up with the same bad relationships over and over again? Do you keep getting involved with people who hurt you?
Are you stressed, anxious, or depressed more than you’d like to be? If this sounds like you, you might be caught in a cycle of poisonous relationships.
These unhealthy relationships are relationships that hurt your well-being. They leave you feeling anxious, fearful, or even unimportant.
You must consider to end these unhealthy relationships to break free from demeaning relationships and bring more positive people into your life.
It is important to realise that you, and you alone must make that decision to end such a deplorable relationship.
You have done the toxic relationship test , then it’s time to breakup from this completely deplorable relationship holding you back.
Keeping toxic people in your life will only bring you pain and misery, so it’s time to face the facts and cut them out of your life!
You might be stuck in a toxic friendship or relationship because you don’t have the courage to let go.
Maybe they are not conscious of how they make you feel, or maybe they are conscious but choose to ignore it; either way, most people don’t recognise when they are being hurtful and that is why many relationships just continue on as usual until one person finally snaps.
If we want to live with positivity in our lives, then we need to stop accepting toxic behaviour from others and let go of these negative relationships once and for all.
Why It’s Important To End This Demeaning Relationship
It’s crucial to stop this poisonous relationship in your life for a variety of reasons, but primarily because you deserve better.
Nobody should ever disregard your needs or feelings or make you feel guilty about yourself or your opinions.
You deserve to be respected, shown love and care, and given a chance to be heard.
Many people stay in unwanted relationships because they have fear of being alone. They think that they can’t make it without this person in their life, but this couldn’t be further from the truth.
One of the best things you can do for yourself is to end a destructive relationship.
Your load will be greatly reduced, you will become more aware of who you are, and you will be able to enthusiastically and positively accept your new existence.
How to fix a toxic relationship with friends’ support
Having good friends is essential. They serve as a sounding board, accountability partner, and support system, all of which are essential in navigating life’s ups and downs.
Although letting go of harmful relationships can be a challenging and stressful journey, it is always worthwhile in the end.
When you’re going through a difficult moment in your life, it’s crucial to always have a support system to draw on.
This support doesn’t necessarily have to come from a romantic relationship or a family member.
Having a friend’s shoulder to lean on can help you fix a toxic relationship. You can confide in a trusted friend, they can empathise and help you with finding a way forward but not necessarily decide for you.
A friend may be able to recommend relationship counselling to fix your relationship.
Friends can be there with you through thick and thin and help you get through any challenge life throws your way.
Having friends that cheer you on, encourage you, and assist you in all that you do is crucial.
The only individuals you should keep in your life are those who make you happy and contribute to your personal development.
Strategies for how to leave a toxic relationship
It’s time to start putting some letting go techniques into practise if you’re prepared to put an end to that destructive relationship in your life once and for all.
It takes time and effort to get rid of unhealthy relationships, but it is possible.
Letting go doesn’t happen overnight, and it is a huge process that will take time and effort on your part.
Here are some strategies you can use to help you let go of dangerous relationships and embrace a new, positive lifestyle — one where only the best people are allowed in your life!
Recognize the red flags.
The first thing (that you know by now) you should do to start letting go is recognise the red flags in the relationship that are making it toxic. Just to summarily recap -:
- Are they constantly criticising you?
- Are they always dismissive of your feelings and needs?
- Do they constantly disrespect your boundaries?
If so, then the relationship is toxic and it’s time to end it.
Be honest and open.
Be upfront and sincere. Then, communicate honestly and openly with the toxic person in your life. Tell them you want a good relationship with them and how they are making you feel.
Let them know that you don’t approve of their behaviour and that you want them to behave differently.
The only way to get them to recognise how their actions are harming you and realise they need to change is to be honest and transparent with them, no matter how challenging it may be.
Let them go
Let the toxic person go. It’s time to let them go after you’ve spoken how you feel about them. Put an end to your poisonous relationship by letting them go from your life and emotions.
Although it is difficult, letting go is the greatest approach to permanently terminate a bad relationship in your life.
Do you feel trapped in a destructive relationship?
There are resources available if you feel trapped in a destructive relationship and are unable to leave it. If you require assistance, contact a hotline for UK or US hotline.
Of course you can search for the hotline in your respective country. Alternatively, contact a mental health counsellor in your local area wherever you are worldwide.
Seek for assistance from any friends or family members who might be able to assist you.
Conclusion
You cannot anticipate having a great connection or relationship for the rest of your life because all partnerships have their ups and downs.
But if your relationship exhibits a persistent harmful pattern, it’s crucial to let go and terminate it as soon as you can, even if you don’t want to.
While difficult, it is possible to fix a harmful relationship.
Have a dialogue with your partner in which you explain why you are hurting and what you require from them if you are trapped in a cycle of abuse and are ready to forgive and heal.
This won’t be easy but through Professional therapy and counselling and most critically if your partner has a genuine desire to reform, the relationship could be saved.
Although ending bad relationships can be a challenging and painful process, it is always worthwhile in the long run.
When you’re going through a difficult moment in your life, it’s crucial to always have a support system to turn to.
This support doesn’t necessarily have to come from a love relationship or a family.
On a positive note, despite the bad experience you have been through, you will emerge from such a deplorable relationship stronger because you will be aware of what it entails and know how to prevent it in the future.
You could even take it a step further after full recovery to sensitise and empower others to shun toxic relationships as well as guide them how to tackle other common relationship problems.
