4 Types of Arguments in a Relationship And How To Stop Them
Interpersonal Relationship Arguments
Let’s face it, while conflict in healthy relationships can be minimal, it is more likely than not that arguments will arise at one point or another in any interpersonal relationship.
This is true regardless of how strong an interpersonal relationship bond is. This article will set out a plan of how to stop argument in a relationship.
An interpersonal relationship refers to a bond between two or more people. This relationship can develop in different forms (only to mention a few) such as;
- Relationship of children and their parents
- Relationship between lovers
- Relationship with family members
What are the 4 types of arguments in a relationship?
1. Constructive arguments
These disagreements are healthy and productive in nature. You can both express your feelings during these arguments, listen to one another out, and try to come to an agreement.
You could, for example, have a constructive argument about how to divide household responsibilities.
Assume you are feeling overwhelmed by the number of chores you must complete, while your partner believes he or she is not doing enough.
You can talk about it, listen to each other’s points of view, and come up with a solution that works for both of you, such as creating a chore schedule.
2. Escalating arguments
These arguments begin mildly but gradually intensify (escalate) and become more personal.
These types of arguments, which can include name-calling, yelling, and personal attacks, can be harmful to a relationship.
For example, You may start a conversation about what to watch on TV, but it quickly devolves into accusations of the other person not caring about your feelings.
This type of disagreement can quickly escalate into a fight, leaving you both hurt and resentful.
3. Gridlocked arguments
These are the arguments that keep coming up with no resolution.
You are both unable to move beyond your current circumstances because you are both trapped in them.
These types of arguments can be frustrating and draining for both of you, putting a significant strain on your relationship.
For example, you and your partner may frequently argue about your partner’s tendency to be late. You may think it’s disrespectful, but your significant other may think it’s not a big deal.
You may have this argument several times without reaching an agreement, leaving both of you feeling stuck and unhappy.
4. Avoidant arguments
In these types of disagreements, you or both of you decide to suppress your feelings or issues rather than discuss them.
This could lead to the accumulation of unresolved issues, which would eventually harm the relationship.
For example, you and your partner may disagree about your partner’s spending habits.
You may choose to avoid the topic and suppress your feelings rather than discussing it and finding a solution.
This can result in unresolved feelings of resentment and mistrust, which can cause long-term problems.
As mentioned at the beginning of this article, all relationships will inevitably experience conflicts, but what matters is how you handle them.
While other types of arguments can harm a relationship, constructive disagreements can strengthen it. Discussing issues with maturity will definitely stop argument in the relationship.
Interpersonal relationship attributes that can help to stop argument in a relationship.
Mainly centred around emotions, interpersonal relationships calls for intense enthusiasm as well as captivating desire towards one another.
This is the key principle to stop argument and fighting in a relationship.
This passion must be executed with an uncompromising commitment where the related entities must, (with utmost dedication);
- Respect each other
- Adhere to strong moral and ethical principles
- Be transparent, honest and truthful
Passion is the quickest to develop, and the quickest to fade. Intimacy develops more slowly, and commitment more gradually still.
Robert Sternberg
While arguments or at least misunderstandings will always exist in a relationship, strict observation of the foregoing interpersonal relationship attributes will stop argument and conflict in a relationship.
Anger issues in relationship arguments
Quite often, in a relationship people argue out of annoyance or disappointment. However, they get angry when they are convinced that someone has wronged them.
A point to note here is that the anger emnates from the fact that the angry person is firm in their believe that whatever has angered them was brought about by the other person.
Furthermore, the angered person will most likely perceive and interpret the cause of anger as intentional and provocational respectively.
However, that is because the angry person has completely “lost it” at that point in time, due to their prevailing state of mind that is clouded with negative emotions.
Causes and expression of anger in relationships arguments
As we interpersonally relate with each other, it must be bourne in mind that we are unique individuals.
Hence, we express anger differently through how we speak and act. We behave differently. Arguably, anger in men is different from that in women.
In reality, perfect communication is not possible. It is also highly possible that sometimes messages from one person can be inaccurately interpreted by the other.
This could happen for example due to tonality or facial expressions.
Unfortunately this can cause misunderstandings where someone get particularly irritable. Once irritated,they may lose their temper easily and turn aggressive, leading to arguments and fighting.
Related topic ===> Contempt in a Relationship
Anger management and control can stop argument in a relationship
Whilst anger is an undesirable emotion, it conveys a message and it is sometimes unavoidable.
However, the devastating effects of anger can be minimised by exercising some behaviour control well before anger gets out of hand.
Nonetheless, this calls for “high” emotional intelligence and awareness, where one can recognise and handle their emotions and those of the other person.
By virtue of our nature, we respond to certain situations through anger, rightfully or otherwise. This, we express by the way we speak and/or act.
Unfortunately this can become dangerously uncontrollable, resulting in regrettable negative emotions issues, such as guilt and hatred.
Undoubtedly, we face relationships challenges day by day. How we interact with other people can influence our emotions and behaviour either short-term or long term.
We must resist negative influence at all cost.
Anger management is beneficial in allowing us to be resilient when facing challenges and dealing with situations that can otherwise be detrimental to our mental health.
How to express anger “the right way”
While anger is undesirable it is a natural response. In order to stop anger related arguments in a relationship, we must establish ways of expressing anger the right way, or safely so to speak.
The followig is Relationships Warrior’s “Peace Masterplan” to stop argument in a relationship.
How to end an argument peacefully
The strategy assumes that no one has a substance abuse problem or an impulse control disorder, which is characterised by persistent issues with losing one’s ability to control oneself.
- Be resilient and tactful in the face of adversity
- Stay calm and skilful in the wake of distress
- Listen attentively and make sense of the message being sent across
- Get composed and be mindful before responding
- Genuinely apologise, regardless of who is in the wrong.
Naturally, when we sense danger we get the urge to defend ourselves. How we respond will normally dictate the outcome.
Sometimes there can be a build up of events leading to arguments in a relationship. Here you will have a chance to prepare your mind for an up coming event.
Therefore you can plan to express your anger safely by “simply” embracing the interpersonal relationship attributes that were mentioned earlier:
Being, respect, morals and ethics, transparency, honesty and being truthful (integrity). Employ these principles by calmly applying them upon both of you.
This should potentially stop argument, and actually resolve the prevailling relationship issues. Intimacy plays an important role here.
How about when anger erupts?
Rules to help you stop argument
Rule 1 – Be tactful
Do not let your anger erupt. One thing you can’t do is to control the other person’s emotions. He or she is clearly angry. Calm down darling! Won’t help.
However, you have total control of your own emotions.
By being tactful, you can guide the other person’s emotions and influence a positive outcome.
How? By suppressing your anger in a healthy way. The best way to suppress anger from erupting is to tap unto our now famous interpersonal relationship attributes.
Keep in mind, this time it is a split second decision, if you blink you get drawn into the argument.
Strategy? Pick one of the attributes, preferably, RESPECT.
Execution: Employ this attribute upon yourself, and yourself alone, (it may sound uncaring and selfish, but you are indirectly taking care of the other person as well) not as before though when you had time to plan and “simply” embraced all the interpersonal attributes.
This action should suppress the anger as you experience that dignified state of being worthy of honour and respect.
You allowed your emotions to flex and avoided anger eruption. Effectively, this is resilience.
Rule 2 Be Skilful
Remember, things are developing pretty quick here!
You have suppressed your own anger from eruption, but still very much volatile especially that the other person will still be badly at it. (they have just erupted)
Whilst you are still very much working on your own anger, skilfully employ EMPATHY. and consider how the other person might be feeling as they are undergoing rage.
Having such consideration should positively contribute towards, and enhance your calmness. However, your heart could still be racing, or you maybe having a tight chest and feeling like you can explode.
It is time to take deep breaths to allow oxygen back into the system. you need to connect with the other person empathetically because they would still be heightened, hence in pain.
Show maturity by keeping your calm. Just don’t let anger run the show.
Rule 3 Listen Attentively
Listen attentively in order to make sense of what message is being sent across. This is where your behaviour is beginning to have a positive impact on the other person.
In the meantime, your attentiveness strengthen you and gives you confidence to maintain control of your emotions.
This is where you rationalise things and question the worth of the argument.
Sometimes when people argue they tend to focus on hurting others as opposed to making efforts to address the issue at hand.
By now you should be composed to be able to separate genuine concerns from taunts that are often wrecklesly thrown out as remarks to anger or provoke you.
Here you must watch out for offensive statements that bring back the past insecurities.
Rule 4 Be Composed And Mindful
By now the other person may have acknowledged your effort and actually calmed down too.
Although you may still be frustrated or in pain from “suppressing” your anger, you will be the one in a better position to digress and guide the issue from an argument to a mature discussion.
Now bring back the interpersonal relationship attributes dignity, morals and ethics, transparency and integrity.
Tap on all of them and maintain being tactful, skilful, attentive and mindful.
Above all, be passionate and affectionate you have cultivated a kind and accepting attitude and you are now a voice of reason, to stop argument.
Rule 5 Apologise
This ONE RULE to rule them all. Almost every adult has come across this one at one time during early years, and yet it seems to be the most difficult to do.
For healthy relationships to thrive we must learn to own up to our mistakes.
When we apologise we are humbling ourselves.
By apologising we are letting the other person understand that we realise and acknowledge our mistakes and are ready to put the argument in the past and move closer to a solution.
Conclusion
How to stop argument in a relationship can be a challenge and calls for maturity and emotional intelligence. An interpersonal relationship brings together unique individuals with unique qualities.
Regardless of how strong an interpersonal relationship bond is, there will be disagreements along the way.
While arguments could be avoided at times, there are often anger issues in a relationship, causes of which vary from one relationship to the other.
Through anger management we can establish ways of expressing anger in the right way through enforcing behaviour change.
However, in order to stop argument and fighting in an interpersonal relationship there must be intense enthusiasm as well as captivating desire and respect towards one another.
This can be achieved by observing the interpersonal relationship attributes being respect for one another, adhering to strong morals and ethical principles and being transparent, honest and truthful.
These attributes will also go a long way in resolving other common relationships problems.
